M CANT CHANGE
M came out onto the balcony at his usual hour...dawn and was shocked at the sight that greeted him. The compound adjacent to the building he lived in, was bursting with activity. Two massive earth moving machines had taken up position to bulldoze the unused godown and a couple of tractors were waiting to be loaded up with the rubble. M just stood there astonished.
Every once in a while he would peep out to check on the progress of destruction while he got ready. He had his breakfast listening to the sound of the machines scraping the ground, removing the overgrown weeds and finally smashing the building. He left for his weekly shopping wondering what new construction was going to come up there.
That evening when he returned M stood on the balcony and surveyed the scene. The building was razed to the ground and there was rubble everywhere. The machines stood silent. M felt sad at what he saw. This backyard was a kind of silent friend. M had no friends. Whenever he was sad, worried or just wanted to think he would stand for hours and gaze at this barren piece of land, dotted with trees here and there, the highway on one end and banana fields at the other.
When he had moved into this appartment the godown was a busy one and always active till the late hours of night. In the beginning he had hated the flat, the noise....the roar of truck engines, the drivers shouting at each other...just hated it. But after a while he got used to it. One day the business ceased and only the building remained.
M saw how with the absence of humans, nature had become the temporary owner. He had seen an increase in eagles...from one bird there were now about twenty circling in the sky sighting prey, squirrels scampering around looking for food, egrets scrounging for insects and worms, rare sightings of peacocks and pea hens early in the morning and when the trees flowered even a host of colourful butterflies. Off late there were snakes as well due to the thick undergrowth and even huge fat rats. He wondered what would happen to these creatures once all the greenery was removed..
It was dark now and M proceeded to have his dinner. M toyed with his food, not eating. Everything was changing and changing too fast for him. New roads, new buildings, too many vehicles, too many offers and shops...consumerism was the word and M did not understand it. M also did not understand technology. He had always known that someday most of the houses and empty lands in town were going to be replaced with buildings. He just didn't want this empty land also to disappear under a concrete monstrosity. Two months back the entire stretch of road outside his building going into town was denuded of trees. Everybody said it was progress and development but M hated having his serene life's landscape being altered and invaded every now and then. After all he was an old man and he was finding it difficult to cope with constant changes however small, in his lonely, routine life. M let out a sigh and began eating.
While he ate he felt amused at the thought of over a hundred people living in two buildings with only a ten foot high wall separating them. He imagined people peeping and looking from across and staring into each others appartments and lives. Maybe friendships would be formed, love might blossom or even enemity might take root, but privacy would go for a six. People will be known by their acts and not names. M imagined himself looking at a man and thinking 'aah, thats the smoker on floor six' or 'she's the secret admirer of the young chap in my building' or 'thats the old man from floor three who keeps shouting at night'. M suddenly felt sick and ate his food in silence.
M set the alarm, got in bed and switched off the lights. He waited for sleep, sleep that for some hours would make him forget that he was unable to change, old to change. The world as he knew it was crumbling and he could only watch and then just move on. He was neither sad nor happy, he was just annoyed and helpless.
M came out onto the balcony at his usual hour...dawn and was shocked at the sight that greeted him. The compound adjacent to the building he lived in, was bursting with activity. Two massive earth moving machines had taken up position to bulldoze the unused godown and a couple of tractors were waiting to be loaded up with the rubble. M just stood there astonished.
Every once in a while he would peep out to check on the progress of destruction while he got ready. He had his breakfast listening to the sound of the machines scraping the ground, removing the overgrown weeds and finally smashing the building. He left for his weekly shopping wondering what new construction was going to come up there.
That evening when he returned M stood on the balcony and surveyed the scene. The building was razed to the ground and there was rubble everywhere. The machines stood silent. M felt sad at what he saw. This backyard was a kind of silent friend. M had no friends. Whenever he was sad, worried or just wanted to think he would stand for hours and gaze at this barren piece of land, dotted with trees here and there, the highway on one end and banana fields at the other.
When he had moved into this appartment the godown was a busy one and always active till the late hours of night. In the beginning he had hated the flat, the noise....the roar of truck engines, the drivers shouting at each other...just hated it. But after a while he got used to it. One day the business ceased and only the building remained.
M saw how with the absence of humans, nature had become the temporary owner. He had seen an increase in eagles...from one bird there were now about twenty circling in the sky sighting prey, squirrels scampering around looking for food, egrets scrounging for insects and worms, rare sightings of peacocks and pea hens early in the morning and when the trees flowered even a host of colourful butterflies. Off late there were snakes as well due to the thick undergrowth and even huge fat rats. He wondered what would happen to these creatures once all the greenery was removed..
It was dark now and M proceeded to have his dinner. M toyed with his food, not eating. Everything was changing and changing too fast for him. New roads, new buildings, too many vehicles, too many offers and shops...consumerism was the word and M did not understand it. M also did not understand technology. He had always known that someday most of the houses and empty lands in town were going to be replaced with buildings. He just didn't want this empty land also to disappear under a concrete monstrosity. Two months back the entire stretch of road outside his building going into town was denuded of trees. Everybody said it was progress and development but M hated having his serene life's landscape being altered and invaded every now and then. After all he was an old man and he was finding it difficult to cope with constant changes however small, in his lonely, routine life. M let out a sigh and began eating.
While he ate he felt amused at the thought of over a hundred people living in two buildings with only a ten foot high wall separating them. He imagined people peeping and looking from across and staring into each others appartments and lives. Maybe friendships would be formed, love might blossom or even enemity might take root, but privacy would go for a six. People will be known by their acts and not names. M imagined himself looking at a man and thinking 'aah, thats the smoker on floor six' or 'she's the secret admirer of the young chap in my building' or 'thats the old man from floor three who keeps shouting at night'. M suddenly felt sick and ate his food in silence.
M set the alarm, got in bed and switched off the lights. He waited for sleep, sleep that for some hours would make him forget that he was unable to change, old to change. The world as he knew it was crumbling and he could only watch and then just move on. He was neither sad nor happy, he was just annoyed and helpless.
